The Public Speaking Phenomenon: Why We Feel Terrified While Looking Confident

Are you familiar with one of the most bizarre global public speaking phenomena?

It’s the moment when a speaker feels terrified; heart racing, hands trembling, mind spiralling, yet the audience sees someone who appears calm, confident, and in control.

It happens far more often than most people realise.

This week, during a workshop, one of the strongest speakers in the room told me that on a scale of 1 to 10 for nervousness, he felt like a 12.

As I watched him, I noted down: natural, confident, engaging. He delivered one of the best presentations I’ve seen in months, yet beneath it all, he said it felt almost unbearable.

We see something quite similar each week in our public speaking workshops; it’s truly remarkable.

Is That Even Possible?

How is it possible for someone to speak with such clarity and presence, yet feel internally as though they’re falling apart? How can a person be seconds away from wanting to run out of the room, while the audience sees someone who appears relaxed and self-assured?

It doesn’t seem logical until you understand what’s really happening.

The Belief Gap

Outside of public speaking, I’ve seen a similar phenomenon at home.

I’ve been married to the most beautiful woman on Earth for 30 years. When I look at her, I see nothing but perfection, yet she often perceives something entirely different.

From the day we met, she has been conscious of her size and weight; despite my constant reassurance, she insists she is overweight and has dieted on and off for decades.

Isn’t it incredible how one individual can experience two entirely different realities?

The person everyone else observes, and the one they see in the mirror, are often separated only by a belief they have held for years.

Some people genuinely are poor presenters, and some genuinely need to lose weight, but in many cases, perhaps more than we realise, the issue isn’t reality; it’s a belief.

Where Beliefs Come From

Most of our beliefs were shaped long before we ever stood in front of an audience.

They were formed quietly, almost invisibly, as we grew up through the things our parents said, the tone our teachers used, and the moments at school that uplifted us or embarrassed us. Other influences included the environments we lived in, the television we consumed, and the off‑hand comments that landed harder than anyone realised. Even the childhood moments we scarcely remember have left a mark on how we see ourselves today.

These early influences don’t disappear. They travel with us into adulthood, shaping our confidence, our self‑image and, for many people, creating limiting beliefs that feel true simply because they’ve been with us for so long.

They don’t just affect how we present; they affect how we see ourselves.

The Limiting Beliefs That Hold Presenters Back

Here are some of the most common beliefs we hear from professionals:

– “No one will want to listen to me.”

– “My ideas aren’t good enough.”

– “I can’t speak well enough to engage an audience.”

– “No one will find this interesting.”

– “I’m a terrible/nervous/boring speaker.”

However, it’s interesting to see that many people who make these statements still deliver thoughtful, engaging, and impactful presentations.

Most people feel some level of anxiety when they speak in public. It’s a completely natural response, part of being human and, in many ways, a healthy sign that you care about the people you’re speaking to and the message you want to deliver.

It’s the belief that anxiety means something is wrong with us that causes the real damage.

Are Beliefs Real?

A belief is simply a thought that is repeated so often it becomes familiar, and familiarity feels like truth, but that doesn’t make it true. Even the most intelligent, talented, creative professionals can give an outstanding presentation while privately believing they are awful.

Sometimes the way we see ourselves has very little to do with how others see us and that gap can shape everything.

So, What Can We Do About It?

The first step is awareness.

You must identify the beliefs that are holding you back and recognise their impact. Then remind yourself: they are not facts, they are thoughts, our thoughts, not anyone else’s.

Limiting beliefs live in a protected world of their own; they feel real, but they are rarely accurate.

When anxiety rises before a presentation, it’s worth pausing long enough to understand what’s actually fuelling it.

Sometimes the worry is that no one will listen, but look closely: has that ever truly happened to you or to anyone you know?

Other times, the fear is that your content won’t interest people. If that were genuinely the case, why would you be presenting it, and what would stop you from shaping it into something meaningful and valuable for your audience?

You might believe you don’t speak well enough to hold people’s attention, yet has anyone ever told you that directly and explained why? If speaking is part of your role, what prevents you from learning the skill, just as every strong presenter once did?

Perhaps the fear is that your audience will see how nervous you feel, but if people consistently tell you that you look confident, even when you feel terrified, why give more weight to the fear than to the feedback?

The Hard Truth About Limiting Beliefs

Knowing a belief is false doesn’t make it disappear; it doesn’t stop the nerves, and it doesn’t magically make presenting easy.

There is no silver bullet, but there is a path.

The Nervous Presenter’s Real Cure

The real solution lives in your own mind, and it begins with awareness: the willingness to notice the belief driving your anxiety and to see its impact on you. From there, patience becomes essential because these beliefs didn’t appear overnight, and understanding where they came from takes time and quiet honesty.

That honesty matters because it’s the moment you admit that much of what you tell yourself simply isn’t true, that the story you’ve been repeating for years may not reflect reality at all. Once you reach that point, courage steps in; the courage to challenge the belief, to question its authority, and to replace it with something that supports you rather than holds you back.

This is the real cure, not a trick or a technique, but a shift in the way you relate to your own thoughts.

If you’ve spent years believing something about yourself that others insist is not true, at some point, you must start believing them.

You don’t have to navigate it alone.

If You’d Like to Learn More About This Public Speaking Phenomenon

– Book yourself onto a powerful public speaking course.

– Invest in some really good one to one public speaking coaching.

– Get yourself some excellent presentation training

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