There are no shortage of perceived obstacles to public speaking success.
Our greatest joy at Mindful Presenter is helping people to overcome them and witnessing the transformation when they do.
I’ve mindfully referred to them as ‘perceived obstacles’ to public speaking success because most of them are internal. They are not real, although many of us have invested great effort and often many years making them real to us.
Let’s take a closer look at them
Obstacle 1 – We tell ourselves stories
“We are the stories we are told and we are the stories we tell ourselves.” Harold R. Johnson
It feels quite ironic that one of the greatest keys to public speaking success is storytelling, yet the stories we sometimes tell ourselves are also our great source of anxiety.
The author Robert Taibbi, in his article; ‘The Stories We Tell Ourselves Determine What We See,’ describes it like this:
‘Each person has a story about themselves, others, and the world that determines what they see and expect. By being aware of their own story, someone can begin to change it by acting despite how they feel.’
Here are a few common stories many of us tell ourselves:
– ‘No one will want to listen to me’
– ‘My ideas aren’t good/interesting enough’
– ‘I’m a terrible/nervous/boring speaker’
– ‘Great public speakers are born that way’
There are of course many more stories we tell ourselves that present huge obstacle to public speaking success.
Try this instead.
I like the psychiatrist and Harvard Medical School professor John Sharp’s suggestion:
‘Ask if your story is really true or a false truth.
I do this all the time. When I catch myself meandering into “I’m just not enough,” I ask myself, “Is that my mean little truth or is that really true? By whose standard am I not enough?” (By my own warped standard, of course).’
‘Leave your old story behind.
This is really what it’s all about, no? All the self-awareness and positivity in the world won’t matter if you aren’t willing to jettison the baggage that’s been weighing you down. You simply must, as Sharp says, “cut away what no longer serves you” and rewrite your narrative to serve who you want to be.’
Stop telling yourself the story of why you can’t, and start creating the story of how you can.
Obstacle 2 – We are too focused on perfection
“If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.” Leo Tolstoy
Setting yourself up to be the perfect speaker is arguably one the biggest obstacles you can place in the way of your public speaking success.
The quest for perfection in public speaking is a major source of anxiety.
Remember this:
– Nobody wants to see a slick, polished, memorised presentation.
– The world is crying out for authenticity.
– If you’re trying hard to be perfect you won’t enjoy it and your audience won’t enjoy it either.
– If your audience really want to hear a perfect delivery they’ll probably go to the theatre.
I like the way author, Jessica A. Kent puts it in her article; ‘Perfectionism Might Be Hurting You. Here’s How to Change Your Relationship to Achievement’:
‘Perfectionism shouldn’t be confused with striving for excellence. For many, working hard and doing their best is achievement enough, even if they don’t get a perfect score. However, for those wrestling with perfectionism, doing their best isn’t enough, and they’ll strive to be perfect at the expense of their own health and wellness.’
Try this instead.
Instead of focusing on being perfect, focus on self-compassion.
That means being kind to yourself before doing anything else.
The need to constantly, impress people, prove ourselves and seek external validation and acceptance is exhausting. It’s also counterproductive.
Getting support, encouragement and positive feedback from friends, family, colleagues and our boss is a normal and healthy desire but real success starts with self-compassion.
Author Rebecca Knight, shares some helpful suggestions in her article, ‘How to Manage Your Perfectionism.’
Obstacle 3 – We are stranded on ‘Someday Isle’
“My advice is, never do to-morrow what you can do today. Procrastination is the thief of time. Collar him!” Charles Dickens, David Copperfield
‘Someday Isle’ is a metaphorical term for procrastination.
We all go through life visiting ‘Someday Isle’ from time to time. It only becomes a problem when we find ourselves stranded there.
It goes a bit like this:
– ‘Someday I’ll get myself some public speaking coaching’
– ‘Someday I’ll find the time to get some presentation skills training’
– ‘Someday I’ll be a better presenter’
– ‘Someday I’ll finish reading that book on public speaking’
– ‘Someday I’ll get rid of my fear of speaking in public’
Procrastination is of course a part of our human nature that affects most of us from time to time. It’s only a problem when it get’s in the way of something we know we would really like to do.
Try this instead.
Ask yourself what would happen if you sailed away from ‘Someday Isle.’
It’s all too easy avoiding the perceived discomfort of public speaking rather than imagining what it will be like once we learn to present with confidence.
If you were to learn to speak with confidence, presence and impact what opportunities would open up in your life?
– Would your career take off if you were you’re no longer afraid of presenting your ideas at work or speaking up in public?
– Would you simply enjoy life more if you weren’t afraid of public speaking?
– Would you finally be able to get that promotion once you become comfortable with and good at presenting your thoughts?
Obstacle 4 -You have a big ‘butt’… its ’yes but’
“The heart has its reasons but the mind makes the excuses.” Amit Abraham
Are you a ‘yes butter?
It sounds a bit like this:
– ‘Yes but what if my audience can see how nervous I am?’
– Yes but what if I freeze and forget what to say?’
– Yes but what if they don’t agree with me?’
– ‘Yes but what if someone asks me a question I don’t know the answer to?’
– Yes but what if I make myself look like a fool?’
It’s one of the biggest obstacles to public speaking success
In a recent high impact public speaking and presentation skills workshop, I shared the following advice with the group.
– If it’s within your gift and appropriate, it’s better to stand up while presenting rather than stay seated.
– Bullet points aren’t helpful. If you are going to present a deck of slides fraught with bullet points, you may as well give them to your audience.
Response from delegates
– Presenting standing up
‘Yes but no one in our company stands up when presenting.
‘Yes but, I feel far more comfortable sitting down.’
– Bullet points
‘Yes but, everyone in our business uses bullet points.’
‘Yes but, I love bullet points. Using them means I don’t have to remember too much.’
Both responses revolve around the presenters personal comfort rather than the impact on their audience.
There is a way to feel comfortable presenting when standing and to present without bullet points.
The mindset of a mindful presenter focuses on ‘how to’ and the benefits of doing so, rather than, ‘Yes but’.
Obstacle 5 – You keep comparing yourself to others
“Believe me, comparison sucks the creativity and joy right out of life.” Brené Brown
It’s human nature for us to compare ourselves to others.
It could be our:
– Idea of success
– Finances
– Relationships
– Confidence
– Possessions
The American psychologist Leon Festinger developed the concept of social comparison theory.
Simply put, it suggests that:
‘Comparing oneself to others socially is a form of measurement and self-assessment to identify where an individual stands according to their own set of standards and emotions about themselves.
It’s normal, I’ve done it many times myself
Not everything we regard as normal is always helpful. It may start out as quite helpful in motivating us to work harder or improve although when that becomes our main obstacle its very debilitating.
Try this instead:
– Rather than obsessively comparing your oratory skills to your boss, colleague or favourite speaker focus on your own strengths.
– Identify possibilities and opportunities for you to develop your own public speaking skills and invest your time focusing on those.
– Remind yourself that there will always be someone who’s richer, faster, smarter or a better public speaker than you. Don’t try to be perfect or better than anyone else; focus on being the best speaker you can be.
– See comparison as a motivator rather than an obstacle.
Next time
The next time you ae called on to make a presentation or speak in public and you hear that inner critic say:
– ‘I’m a terrible/nervous/boring speaker’
– ‘ I need to be perfect’
– ‘ Someday I’ll get rid of my fear of speaking in public’
– ‘ Yes but, I’m a terrible presenter’
– ‘ Everyone else is so much better as public speaking.’
Remember, it’s not true unless you choose to make it so for yourself. I hope some of the ideas in the article help you but, if you need help overcome your personal obstacles to public speaking success:
– Book yourself onto a powerful public speaking course.
– Invest in some really good one to one public speaking coaching.
– Get yourself some excellent presentation training
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